Answering the why's

Why music? Why are you getting your masters? Why do you want to get your doctorate?

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Psalm 100 was one of the first chapters of the Bible I memorized. Granted it’s only 5 verses, but still, an accomplishment in my 1st grade mind.

“Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all ye lands. Serve the Lord with gladness. Come before His presence with singing. Know ye that the Lord, He is God. It is He that hath made us and not we ourselves. We are His people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving and into his courts with praise. Be thankful unto him and bless his name. For the Lord is good. His mercy is everlasting and his truth endureth to all generations”.

(Based off the “ye’s” and “eths”, you can see I memorized it in the King James Version, which I see as extra brownie points for some reason, hehe.)

I think the 100th Psalm is why music is so instilled in my mind and my being, and is a root of why music is something I’ve never truly been able to walk away from. At a young age I might not have fully grasped what this verse means, but as I reflect with my 23-year-old mind, I see how for almost 20 years of my life, making joyful noises meant singing. Serving with gladness meant singing. Being in the Lord’s presence meant singing. What makes me part of God’s woven plan is singing. I’m commanded to enter through his gates with thanksgiving, which meant singing. Now, of course, I know that singing doesn’t make me a child of God, and singing isn’t the only way to serve my Creator, but for nearly 20 years, this psalm has been ever present in my life and singing seems to have been psychologically connected to my relationship with the Lord which I think is why music is such a huge part of my life.

I remember in high school, I was so fed up with the world of music though and felt terrified to try to pursue a career in music theatre. I was scared of entering a more secular world, and I know my caring family definitely wanted a bit more of a stable job for me to start in, so I decided I wanted to go into nursing. The college I was looking at had a great nursing program, so perfect. I was done with the music dream. Huge fan, crazy fan, but not something I decided was worth pursuing.

My junior year of high school, I started taking college concurrent classes, one of those being sociology. My final project was to do a research project on something of my choice and present over it. I was wrestling with this dream of music again, but had no idea how on earth I was supposed to make a career out it, so someone advised me to look into music therapy. I thought my sociology project would be a great first start to look into the field. I was totally wowed by the benefits of music therapy and completely sold on it. So back to music and singing it was.

By my senior year, I was totally dedicated and felt so confident in the plans God had for me with music. Goal was in sight. Go to college for a music degree and get your masters in music therapy. I was at peace. Music could be a part of my life in such a sensible way.

Well, forward to a week at Falls Creek (a southern Baptist week-long camp for youth groups across Oklahoma). I had a bit of a break down and started doubting my music pursuit. I was ready to hand in the towel, but had no idea what I would go to college for. My group leader said some super encouraging words to me that were somewhere along the lines of, “God has a beautiful plan for you and that plan is music. You have a gift. Use that gift”. I honestly don’t remember at all what she said, I’m sure I have a journal that says it better, but regardless, from her words, my doubt faded and I felt the Lord’s promises and presence over me. (Andrea Mann, if you’re out their reading this, know how impactful you were to me in this music journey and how grateful I am for your words <3.) So off to college I went at the end of the summer as a student seeking her bachelor of music degree in voice performance.

Around Thanksgiving time, my piano teacher, Dr. Mary Chung asked the class what we were most grateful for and as my classmates said things like family, friends, and food, I answered with “my professors”. I didn’t really think twice about it in the moment, but on my drive home for break, I started really reflecting on why I chose to be thankful for my professors. It hit me like a massive tidal wave. With tears flowing like a river, I realized how truly grateful I was to the professors who looked out for me not only scholastically, but also emotionally and spiritually. It was in that moment that I wanted to be a teacher. A professor of music, who could be there for new students who were away from their families and parents for maybe the first time, and just be there to check in on them and support them no matter what. (So, Dr. Chung, if you didn’t know, now you know. You have been VERY influential on my career path).

Even after that revelation though, I have had a number of doubts and questioning whether or not I was still on the right track and pursuing the path God had planned for me. There have been many MANY moments where I’ve said that I’m done, I’m ready to be a mom, can I just stay home now? (I’m literally so single and tend to be so selfish with my time – so I don’t know why that’s always a thought when I want to quit). In those moments though, I’m reminded of what Paul said in Philippians 1:6 “and I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ”. Paul’s talking about the Philippian church and their new belief in Jesus and how that good work of Christ’s salvation will be brought to its full extent upon His 2nd coming, so it's out of context, but it has always been an encouraging verse to me. God started a good thing in me. He gave me music, He gave me a voice to sing His praise, He gave me a passion to learn and study music, He gave me determination to graduate high school, graduate college, audition for graduate school, to stay in graduate school amidst a global pandemic. Why would He not see me through till the end? Each time I’ve had times of doubt, I take a pause and try to understand and see where the doubt is coming from. I spend time in the Bible and prayer asking God if the ‘doubt’ is actually His still small voice, or if it’s me doubting God’s power and presence in my life. So far, every time, it’s been because of my lack of faith in God’s ability to use me, so here I am, about to get my Masters of Music degree in May 2021, because God has been so incredibly faithful to me.

A lot of exposition to get to a fairly concrete answer. In case you forgot after reading the previous 1,235 words, the questions asked were, why do you do music, why are you getting a master’s degree, and why are you wanting to pursue a doctorate degree? It is because of Psalm 100. It is a way I make a joyful noise to the Lord. It is a way I serve the Lord with gladness. It is a way I enter into His presence. It is a way I understand who God is as my Creator. It is a way I praise Him. It is a way I experience His love and faithfulness. I say “a way” because of course there are other ways to do all these things, but for me, music and singing, that’s what the Lord instilled in me and I’m going to keep investing in that. For me to continue to follow this plan of becoming a professor of music at a university, I need a master’s degree and a doctorate degree. The doctorate isn’t always a must, but it is definitely a plus. I still have things to learn and experience in a structured setting and the doctorate is just that. Music and singing are the talent or coin God gave me and my goal is to invest in that talent to the best of my ability until He says no (Matthew 25:14-30).

And that's why I do what I do!

Catch ya on the flippity flip!