Not getting married today.

I had a recent epiphany: I don't think I'm going to get married anytime soon. And guess what. I am super okay with that. I think for a long time, I've always leaned into the thought that singleness is only for a season, and eventually, I would be in a dating relationship, get engaged, be married, and have babies. As of right now though, I have this vision and passion to radically pursue Christ - and being in a relationship with some guy doesn't fit into that pursuit very well. For a long time, I have been a girl who sought attention from guys, who yearned to be in a relationship, who was excited for the day when she asked her community of married friends to set her up with a Christian guy from church, and excited to give grandkids to her parents, but for some reason, for the first time ever, I don't have an ache to be in a relationship with a man. Sure, I notice attractive men I see at church or at the store and thoroughly enjoy romcoms, but I no longer have that voice in the back of my head saying, Oh, I wonder if he would be a good potential husband or oh, I'm so excited when I can cuddle on the couch like that cute couple. The desire to be married, just isn't there anymore. Or really, my idol of marriage has finally been broken.

I recently realized singleness truly is only for a season. Since I've given my life to Christ, my singleness will be done when I am united with my Bridegroom in heaven one day. Jesus says in Matthew 22:30 “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels in heaven”. For years, I have idolized the concept of marriage, but marriage is not the goal. It's not eternal. I keep thinking about the countless times Paul talks about and encourages his readers to be single like him and how it's better because singles are only concerned about the things of the Lord - how they may please the Lord... but the married have divided interests (1 Corinthians 7). Over the past few weeks, I've watched some of my friends struggle and stress over potential guy relationships and my heart goes out to them. That is stressful. It's stressful enough right now as I try to make new friends in a new city. I can't imagine dealing with figuring out a dating relationship on top of that. Overall, I've been positively enlightened. Personally, why would I want to have an added stress to my life over something that isn't even eternal. Is this me being cynical? Maybe? I don't know. I just know, for me, although I see marriage as such an incredible and beautiful gift and lesson on sacrifice, there are other things, like people's eternity that are on the line, which are far more important to me than me stressing over how to communicate and be intentional with a guy I like. Marriage is not eternal, but Christ is. I don't mean to be a "Debbie Downer" or "Negative Nancy", but this is where my heart is right now. I love being single. I love building friendships that are based on me wanting to hang out with them in heaven one day. I love pursuing Christ, setting aside time to be with Him, and eagerly anticipating telling Him about my day.

My best buddy commented on how she would be interested in what it would be like to read through these thoughts in say 10 years or so and see where we are. So, I wanted to write out my thoughts and what better place to keep them here, publicly on this blog. Here's a picture of the face of a girl who is content with not ever getting married. Maybe my married future self will look back on this and laugh. Or maybe my future self is struggling with my singleness and need to be reminded and pointed back to Christ's eternity. Here's to the season of singleness - no matter how long it may seem.

Catch ya on the flippity flip.