OK -> NY -> SC

Just about 2 years ago, I made the decision to pursue a Masters of Music Degree in Rochester, NY – about 17 hours from my hometown in Oklahoma. I had all the doubt in the world when I packed up my car and drove half way across the country. I spent a good portion of those 17 hours crying to worship music and listening to podcasts. Upon moving to ROC, I clung to Scripture and the lyrics “When peace like a river attendeth my way, When sorrow like sea billows flow, Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul”. I would even make useless trips to Walmart because it was the one thing that felt familiar. Clearly, I was struggling there at the beginning.

BUT moving to Rochester has been one of the best things God has ever invited me to do. I have been BIG TIME BLESSED. The community He gave me has been the absolute sweetest thing I’ve ever experienced. So as excited as I am for the next steps in my education, I can’t help but mourn leaving my ROC community. Not just a community, but my family. This journey and process has definitely been a difficult one.

Pursuing higher education in music has always been the plan. Back in November of 2020 when I was applying to a handful of schools for this doctorate degree, I felt so unqualified as I turned in incredibly small CVs and resumes and had very limited teaching experiences. But the whole time, I completely trusted that God was going to make a way. He who began a good work in you, will bring it to fruition (Philippians 1:6). I have a passion for learning and a passion for studying (call me crazy, but I love being in the library and in a practice room – even if I have to wear a mask the whole time). I felt a wave of relief when December 1st came and all of my applications and prescreen auditions were done and sent in. The waiting process began. As January rolled around, I started receiving emails. All of which said something along the lines of “with regret I inform you that we cannot offer you admission”. I didn’t even get a live audition. Zero explanation, just a solid no. With each no, I tried to lean more into the Lord. Banking on Him to make this degree happen. Around February, I started doubting. I started researching positions at local community colleges and small universities in the ROC area, thinking that I wasn’t going to get into any school. I started doubting my faith in God. I felt so called to apply for doctoral programs, I spent so much money on those applications, and it started feeling like a complete waste. Had I messed up? Did I mishear the guidance of the Lord?

As this doubt seemed to be increasing, I turned to Scripture more, and I reflected more on why I’m doing what I’m doing. I am so thankful I was challenged to write down the why behind what I do. Psalm 100 and the Parable of the Talents plays a huge part in that, and the reason I’m pursuing a doctorate degree has to do with the fact that I’m cultivating the craft, the gifts, the talents God has given me. I think if I hadn’t established my why, I would have given up and been so much more lost through this process and questioning God’s power more than ever.

One of the no’s I received hurt a little extra. By a little, I actually mean a lot. This particular “no” was the one that had me doubting and questioning God. Trying to understand what His purpose is for me, I started reading the book of Acts. This book in the Bible is all about the beginnings of the Christian church and the first appearances of the Holy Spirit. Paul, Luke, Barnabas, Philip, and a number of women and many others are led by the Holy Spirit to bring the Gospel to all the nations. I was reminded through Paul’s line of work – tent making – he was able to bring glory to God and further his ministry. Although I’m not making tents, I was reminded that my life, everything I do and say should be pointing people to Christ and praising and reflecting Jesus. My life, my music, my schooling – that’s my ministry, my mission field. Paul used every opportunity to build community and relationship with the people he was around – whether he was there for seven days while a cargo ship unloaded or he was there for two years making tents – he lived in the now, shared the Gospel of Jesus, mentored, loved, and invested in the people.

With this reminder that my mission is to share the Gospel and point people to Christ, I made the decision to not bank on my selfish desires and doubt, but bank on God, who was clearly leading me somewhere other than Rochester.

What I thought was really just a long shot of a school to audition for. A school I only put on my application list because I wanted just one more school in case the others didn’t work out. A school I never thought I would actually get in because it’s a big state school and I’ve gone to small private schools for the past 6 years. That school was the one that said yes to me. I was so confused especially after all the rejection I had just received, but I was bold enough to ask why they wanted me in their program. One of the professors said it was because of the why behind what I do. That’s when I realized the Lord was making a way for me. This year I have been so focused on reflection and figuring the why behind things – I truly believe the professor's answer was the Lord speaking to me in that moment.

I am so excited to announce that I will be going to the University of South Carolina on a doctoral fellowship in musical arts with an emphasis in voice performance and opera studies. It looks like I’m still an East coast kind of girl, but I’m headed back down to the South.

Rochester has been the absolute dream. My community I’ve built here in the past two years has been so impactful and I am beyond grateful for the relationships I’ve built and the wisdom that’s been poured into me, but like Paul, it’s time for me to move this ministry to a new location. In the meantime, though, have no fear, I’m still investing. Still loving. And still living in the now.

And so, I leave you with some of the words of Paul, “But I consider my life of no value to myself; my purpose is to finish my course and the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of God’s grace.” – Acts 20:24

Catch ya on the flippity flip.